


Spicy Lemons and Morosexuality

by SalamanderGoo



Category: Game Grumps
Genre: Allergies, Banter, Bless his heart he tries, Dan is not the sharpest spoon in the drawer, Look this is dumb and self indulgent, Multi, No Smut, Title is NOT a reference to the citrus scale, demigod!Suzy, dragon!Arin, even though the fic barely breaks 1k, fruit bat vampire!Dan, it's only briefly mentioned and very glossed over, its not discussed but i have so much lore so these tags are packed, literal lemons in this fic, me making shit up about phoenixes that i thought was cool, phoenix!Brian, suzy is the daughter of a minor deity, talk of death, talk of vivisection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-10
Updated: 2020-02-10
Packaged: 2021-02-28 02:20:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,104
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22656157
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SalamanderGoo/pseuds/SalamanderGoo
Summary: Sometimes you just gotta chomp a lemon.In which Brian can die, Dan whines about spice, and Arin repeatedly trips on his tail.
Relationships: Dan Avidan/Suzy Berhow/Arin Hanson/Brian Wecht
Kudos: 15





	Spicy Lemons and Morosexuality

“Why didn’t you tell me you could die, asshole?”

Brian jolted in surprise, nearly ripping out a feather. “Ow.” He shot a glare at Dan. “You’ve seen me die like three times! What the hell are you talking about?” He straightened the feather, going back to his preening.

“Uh, according to this you’re only conditionally immortal! I thought you just couldn’t die!” Dan was holding a book, looking betrayed.

Brian sighed, shaking his wings out. “I’m a phoenix, I die all the time.” He rubbed a hand over his throat where a nasty scar stood out on his skin. “Yes, I can die permanently. But you’ve never asked, so I thought you knew.”

“And you never thought to mention it in the 150 years we’ve known each other?”

He shifted, patting the couch for Dan to sit. “I thought you knew, I really did. But yes. It’s… difficult though. To permanently kill a phoenix, you either have to remove their heart to quench the flame within it, or contain all their ashes in a sealed container before they have the chance to reform. I guess it would be easier and less messy to seal my ashes these days, with like… vacuums. The heart method is… bloody. When those things don’t happen, reforming just leaves scars whether from how I died or just scars I gathered from existing, some more severe than others.”

“What.”

“...to be fair you can only be killed if you’re burned at a stake or… stabbed by a stake. What’s with vampires and stakes, dude?”

“Fuck if I know.” Dan pouted, biting into an unpeeled lemon. “I just wanted to know how to get rid of my stupid citrus cravings. Lemons burn my tongue.”

“...okay. I officially can’t do this.” He stood up, shaking out his wings to let any preened out feathers float to the ground. “Arin! Come deal with Dan!”

Arin came down the stairs, tripping over his tail and landing in a heap at the bottom. “...ouch. What did Dan do?”

“He’s eating lemons. Again.”

“Suzy bought you oranges, Dan.” Arin got to his feet, brushing himself off. “Lemons hurt your mouth, why do you eat them?”

Dan pouted. “...they’re good. Spicy.”

Brian looked over at Arin, who had the same aghast expression. “...did you just say spicy?”  
“Is that the wrong word?”

“Danny, sweetheart, lemons aren’t spicy. You’re thinking sour.”

“They both hurt my mouth, what’s the difference?”

Arin started to giggle. “Brian, you’re morosexual.”

“Shut up.” Brian covered his face. “I turn 500 in a month, and my boyfriend thinks lemons are spicy. This is where I’m at in my life, okay.”

“Which one thinks lemons are spicy?” Suzy came into the living room from the kitchen, holding a small bowl of almonds.

“Dan does.” Arin giggled. “We got him oranges and grapefruit but he still goes for the lemons.”

“Aw, he does his best.” Suzy kissed Dan’s cheek before flopping on the couch. “Brian, you’re leaving feathers everywhere.”

“I was trying to preen, but someone interrupted because he didn’t know I can die.”

Arin blinked. “You can?”

“...yeah. All of us can die. Immortality is inherently conditional.” He flopped onto the couch with Suzy. “Life can’t continue indefinitely. It finds an end.”

“I don’t want you to die.”

“Dan. I’m not saying I’m going to die tomorrow. But things come to an end. I like to think I’ve got a good 400 more years in me. At least. Maybe more with you by my side.” He offered a hand to Dan, pulling him onto the couch and holding him close. Dan kissed him, arms wrapping tight around his shoulders. Brian pushed him away carefully. “Ew, you taste like lemon.”

Dan pouted. “Aw, but I want to kiss you!”

“Not with lemon breath. Go eat an orange or something.”

“Fiiiine.” Dan stuck his tongue out, spitting seeds into the trash can as he went into the kitchen.

Suzy hummed as she started straightening Brian’s feathers. “You didn’t finish preening.”

Brian leaned against her with a sigh. “Mm, maybe I just wanted someone else to work on them.” He closed his eyes softly, his body warming up slightly as he relaxed.

“You could always just ask, babe.” She began to smooth feathers at the base of his wings, working her way outwards.

“No, that’s too straightforward, I can’t do that.” He let out a low noise, like a crow mimicking a purring cat.

Arin giggled. “You make the weirdest noises, Bri.” He laid on the floor, pulling a blanket off the couch and curling up with it.

“I’m so normal, shut up.” He peeked his eyes open when Dan came back from the kitchen, holding an orange. “Do you still taste like lemons?”

“No.” He crossed his arms. “Just because you don’t like them…”

“Why do you eat them? You always complain that your tongue burns when you eat them.”

“They taste good!”

Arin huffed a laugh. “Dan, sweetie, I think you might have an allergy.”

Dan blew a raspberry. “No, that can’t be it. Have you ever heard of a fruit bat with an allergy? For fruit?”

Suzy raised a hand, earning an annoyed huff from Brian as she stopped preening him. “I have.”

“...really?”

“Yeah, you. With lemons.”

“That doesn’t count.” Dan took another bite of his orange. “You can’t tell me you don’t get lemon hives.”

“I’m going to break up with you or propose, I’m not sure which.” Brian rubbed his hands over his face with a drawn out sigh. “Lemon hives?” His voice cracked from his exasperation.

“...yeah?”

Suzy patted Brian’s head, grinning. “Oh, Danny. Hives are a sign of allergy. Do you only get them with lemons?”

At Dan’s nod, Arin started laughing. “Then don’t eat them!” Tiny bursts of fire came from his mouth as he laughed, covering his face. “Dan, oh my god, sweetheart, please. Please.”

“...you’re all mean.”

Suzy grinned at him. “It’s because we love you. Stop eating lemons. And maybe it’s just the peel or the fact that lemons, especially raw with nothing to balance them, are so insanely acidic.”

“Maybe.” He was still pouty, but let Brian pull him down onto the couch, laying on top of him and snuggling close.

Suzy pressed a soft kiss to her fingertips, pressing them to Dan’s forehead. “We love you, even if you didn’t know how to recognize that you have some kind of allergy.”

“I’m morosexual, of course I love you.” Brian ran his fingers through Dan’s hair, earning an indignant huff.

“...fine, I love you too.”

“Do you have to sound so begrudging?”

“Yes.”

“...fair enough.”


End file.
